Abrupt Halt

I walked around Geylang yesterday wondering if I would get approached, remembering that one time I got touched by a prostitute, and you told me she touched me for good luck.

Perhaps all she did was to pass on her curse to me. Doomed never to keep love.

I walked around and willed for someone to come and take my pain away.

I chain smoked and walked, all the way to Bugis.

I passed all the lanes we waited in, all the places we eaten in, all the streets we meandered on holding hands.

I walked by the Kallang River willing a freak tsunami to wash me away.

I looked up at the sky and saw all the birds flying in pairs, and asked God if he would send a bolt of lightning to strike me dead.

I walked by construction sites and wondered if it were possible, for the cranes to be kind enough to topple over onto me.

THen I saw signs that said- "Safety first, Life is good.", and " Safety in mind, everything will be fine."

Hah.

Right.

I walked and ended up in Bugis, and spent the night smoking and drinking.

Met up with old friends, Mato, Priya, Rajiv, Elias, and one new one- Kathi.

Thank you to Priya and to Nad for all the strength you've given me.

Thank you for all the nice things that you said.

Thank you.

I didn't know how much i've changed. Until Priya pointed it out to me.

How I became a person who let other people in. A softer person who cared for others. Someone who was more approachable.

Love changed me, and now I don't have that love anymore.

It doesn't matter.

I guess I've sensed it coming for a long time.

Since July 23rd I think.

Lol.

Anyhow.

I'm done too.

I've reflected and tried to regain myself. Working on it. I'll get there.



As my favourite Christina Aguilera song screams:-

When theres no one else, look inside yourself...


I look inside, and all i see is pain- so I look elsewhere.


This young girl is not going cry anymore.


She's done.

It's not like she had a choice.


Moving on.