I'm finally who I was meant to be. Me.

2009-09-24T02:53:00.001-07:00

Questions

It is interesting how my attention has shifted from the fluffier types of entertainment to ones that are far more educational and enriching. I'd rather listen to the BBC World Series than music, I find myself poring through the newspapers and I've even started to keep an eye out for news papers of an international variety. I am now more prone to turning to the History, Travel or Discovery channels rather than MTV, or any other channel.

I am not sure if it is so much that my tastes have changed rather than it is me sub-consciously searching for something.

Perhaps it is the sub-conscious search that leads me to record certain shows. Shows like "Inside islam".

Alright, do not hold your breath. I am not about to criticise or analyse to death. I am not going to throw stones or pin-the-tail-on. I never have, if that's believable.

I started recording at a point were a Mullah or is it an Imam? He was throwing up his hands to the sky and proclaiming that the Bible failed to record an event which took place and hence was recorded in the Qu'ran.

That God had told Mary to remain silent on the issue of her chastity, instead she pointed/or was to point at her newborn Baby (Jesus) who would then/who then proclaim/proclaimed the virgin status of his mother to the crowds/people who accused her.

For awhile I was taken aback by that.

Till of course, something began to nibble at me.

It nibbled from the middle of my chest where lies my bronch and worked its way down to the pit of my stomach, where it transformed from being an uncomforatble feeling to full-blown realisation.

God would not have done that.

Never have I ever known God to do anything unnecessary.It was always enough, sufficient, just and good.

If you are unfamiliar with the story of the birth of Christ, it is as follows:-

Mary is a good Jewish Girl, she is visited by an angel who tells her she has been impregnated by the spirit of God, and this baby will be the Messiah.She is the chosen vessel for God who was coming to earth in flesh.

She has been betrothed to Joseph the carpenter, who intends to divorce her quietly, when the knowledge of her pregnancy comes to light. Instead one of God's angels visit him in the night and tells him the truth and tells him to marry Mary and take her away to another place.

The King of the land at that time-King Herod, is told of this other King who is to be born and who shall liberate His people, mistakenly believing that this child would dethrone him, he ordered that all the male children of jewish origin be killed.

Now here's why I believe that the Qu'ran may not be accurate on what it is saying.

1.) Mary and Joseph had left their home to go elsewhere, a place where no one knows them. They left as a married couple.There would have been no need to prove her chastity, because everyone would have assumed that she was impregnated as a woman should be- by her husband.

2.) Herod was on a mission to exterminate all male-infants.

Imagine one had spoken.

Jesus would have been tracked down very easily and massacred pre-maturely.

It could have happened. But as far as I know God, He has never been one to unnecessarily draw attention Himself when He was on earth. Sometimes, yes, he drew crowds numbering thousands. But never once did He do anything unnecessary.

If it did happen, it was for a purpose.

In this documentary, over and again, they drew comparisons between Islam, Judaism and Christianity.

Why?

The original notion of course, would be that Judaism and Christianity was the foundation of Islam in some ways. Islam and the Qu'ran was the "great correction" if I may say so, according to the Qu'ran itself.

But the comparisons drawn were to matters such as- the Prophet Mohamed had never allowed his image to be captured in any form, lest he be worshipped as God, and steal the glory of God away from Him.

HOWEVER.

Oh, I love that word.

I wonder about it, what does it mean exactly?- the everlasting how? No matter.

It is not so for Jesus, there are images of him everywhere, and the documentray showed images of Jesus on the crucifix, paintings of Jesus etc.

I wondered in that instant.

Jesus, did not care whether or not his image was captured- He was here to be one of us, God amongst men, He walked amongst us mingled with us, faced the very hardships that we face.

But Mohamed decided to keep his face a mystery, and in so doing, he inadvertently perhaps has caused his people to revere his image. It is sacred, it is holy, it cannot be captured or envisioned. It is a sin to do so.

Has he not elevated himself to a god-status? Perhaps it was unintentional. But not all idols are cast in stone or metal to be worshipped. Some idols exist only in the metaphysical sense.

Mohamed came, the narrator narrated- to clear away the idols who were being worshipped at Mecca, just the way Jesus would drive out the Money-changers and merchants at the temple in Jerusalem.

Yet that very place has become a place of worship. Millions of Muslims making their way to pray at that holy stone draped in golden thread sewn lines from the Qu'ran.

Everyday,five times a day, they bow in the direction of that stone and say out aloud their prayers towards it.

Perhaps. Could it be. That that stone itself has become an idol? How could there ever be a place of holiness on earth, a place so special that it would warrant so much attention? Five times a day? In its direction.

I wonder what the average Muslim would say if I asked him to worship in another direction looking at the sky. I shall ask, and see what i get in reply. This is not a challenge, just a quest for answers.

This earth we are on, is not heaven. We look towards the heavens to pray our prayers.

The good intentions of one man, may not have lived past his time.

He is right about one thing though.

God is ONE and NOT three.

2009-09-09T22:11:00.000-07:00

Dhanya Gouresan Nair

There is an occasion described in the bible, when several people wanted to stone a woman for committing adultery. Jesus, however stepped in and said, “Which of you has never committed a sin, let him be the first to cast the stone”. Then he began to write on the ground.

Some speculate that he wrote out the sins of those gathered around, waiting to stone the adulteress, and some reckon he must have listed out the Ten Commandments, and in so doing shamed them into going away.

Ever so often, I visit Dhanya’s blog, and on every occasion I note some one or other actually taking the trouble to tag on her board something condemning, just plain stupid, or both.

These group people, whoever they are, are perfect. They are celestial beings who descend ever-so-often down to earth to kick sand in the faces of the less worthy.

Us.

The ones, who makes mistakes, who sometimes make a less-than-good decision, who have regrets, and who just go on with life making a blunder of it every now and then.

These “beings” surely have never done any sort of wrong. What sort of wrong?

I’m sure we have all at some point hated someone, now in God’s books, hating someone is the equivalent of murdering them.

Hmmm, we’re all murderers.

In God’s books, should any one entertain lustful thoughts of someone else- say someone other than their spouse , or girl/boy friend- then they have already committed adultery.

So, that renders most of us as adulterers.

But of course this only relates to Us. The imperfect.

The celestial beings who come by Dhanya Gouresan Nair’s blog however, belong to another realm of existence.

You know, I really can not tell what peeves them.

Is it that she narrowly escaped a life that would have kept her wondering what could have been, a life that while would not have doomed her to any sort of suffering would have always left some sort of emptiness in her.? Is that it?

That she no longer has to live the mundane life that you judgmental taggers have found yourselves mired in? That she now has a chance of working out life as most 22 year olds can and should?

Or is it that she has breached your sense of morality and ethics, some how screwed up the justice in the world, by annulling her marriage, and because of this imbalance nothing will ever be right in the galaxy ever again?

Mayday! Mayday!

The term is annulled. Trust me, I would know, I file divorce papers everyday. Annulled means the marriage is void, it will be as if the marriage never existed.

She is not a divorcee. Oh, and by the way, this is not in her defence. I, certainly never backed the annulment, for your information.

But I did realise eventually, that her decision was for the benefit of both parties and it was something that took a lot out of her - to inflict hurt on others.

Dhanya, is irresponsibly carefree, perpetually late, heart meltingly kind, and chronically bimbotic, yet stunningly- yes, beautiful, but intelligent, too. Sincere.

Jay? Is responsible, hard-working, diligent, analytical, stern and loyal.

Does anyone else see the mismatch? They were driving each other crazy.

It takes a certain level of stupidity or courage to do what Dhanya has done.

I applaud her for it. Because I’m not sure if I have the strength that she does. The truth is, your tagging does nothing to her.

It really doesn’t. It really is entertaining. It really is stupid too.

But.

What are you really trying to achieve? I’m not asking you to accept this, because it will surely lead to erosion of moral soundness in our society etc or something to that exaggerated effect.

I’m just saying that her intentions for annulling this marriage were far nobler than you think.

Think about it, how easy would it have been to simply marry Jay- who by the way is financially well to do, especially when you belong to a lower middle class family, with not one, not two, not even three, but four daughters?

Very financially viable marriage, don’t you think?

She would have been settled for life.

There is a Sudanese woman who has been arrested for wearing pants. Across the causeway, there’s another woman , who will be caned for drinking beer in public. Every where in the world women are judged so harshly , with no measure of compassion, or any sort of leniency.

Yet, by whom? Equally flawed, imperfect, irrational, and illogical beings like yourselves.

Oops.

I think I accidentally passed judgment on you. Forgive me. It was inevitable.

Let me ladle out some truth, as kindly as I know how:

You are hiding behind the convenient and cowardly cloak of anonymity throwing half-baked pot shots at a young girl who is trying to figure things out.

This really isn’t about Dhanya, because from what I’m seeing she seems to be standing in the light.

This is about, you, cockroaches hiding in the dark.

There I’ve said it.

2009-08-27T03:33:00.000-07:00

A SEASON OF ________________.

Sister Barbara Willoughby passed away on 21 August 2009, and in what seems like a double whammy, I've just received news that Zoe Christian passed away in Australia, earlier this month.

Memorial Service ~ Celebration of A Life

Sis Barbara fought a good fight, finished her race and did well. She impacted many lives not only in Singapore but also in the far reaches of the globe.

A Memorial Service celebrating her life will be held in Singapore on 28 August, Friday at 7.00 pm in Tabernacle of Joy, Chinatown Point.

It will not be a time of mourning but rather of celebration and thanksgiving. Worship is a place where we can drown out the voices of sorrow and doubt with floods of adoration and praise. Worship was her passion and worship we will do as we reminisce about a remarkable and courageous woman. We will approach God with a heart of gratitude and thank him for allowing us to know and to love Sis Barbara.

Sis Barbara had requested donations to ‘Missions’ in lieu of flowers and wreaths. Cards maybe sent to Tabernacle of Joy Singapore, 133 New Bridge Road, #05-02 Chinatown Point, Singapore 059413.

Lastly, thank you for the loving and poignant tributes about Sis Barbara. They have ministered to and encouraged the Willoughbys and the Tabernacle of Joy Family.

Please do log on to the Tabernacle of Joy website at www.tabjoy.org for all updates and information. For further information, you may call me at(65)97570075 or (65)6312 7498. We will do our best to address your queries.

Abiding in Him

Sandra Subner

On behalf of Pastor Timothy Lee

Tabernacle of Joy Singapore

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Death is of course inevitable.

But when my turn comes, i hope that it would be said, that my life was lived serving God.

That I finished what I started, and that I made a difference.

My heart goes out to the families.

2009-08-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

DEFINING AGGRESSIVE PROSELYTISATION

AGGRESSIVE

ag⋅gres⋅sive /əˈgrɛsɪv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [uh-gres-iv] Show IPA
Use aggressive in a Sentence
–adjective 1. characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing: aggressive acts against a neighboring country.
2. making an all-out effort to win or succeed; competitive: an aggressive basketball player.
3. vigorously energetic, esp. in the use of initiative and forcefulness: an aggressive salesperson.
4. boldly assertive and forward; pushy: an aggressive driver.
5. emphasizing maximum growth and capital gains over quality, security, and income: an aggressive mutual fund.
6. Medicine/Medical. a. (of a disease or tumor) spreading rapidly or highly invasive; difficult or impossible to treat successfully.
b. pertaining to a risky surgery or treatment, or to a medication that has grave side effects: aggressive chemotherapy.

PROSELYTISATION

pros·e·ly·tize (prŏs'ə-lĭ-tīz')
v. pros·e·ly·tized, pros·e·ly·tiz·ing, pros·e·ly·tiz·es

v. intr.
1.To induce someone to convert to one's own religious faith.
2.To induce someone to join one's own political party or to espouse one's doctrine.
v. tr.
To convert (a person) from one belief, doctrine, cause, or faith to another.
pros'e·ly·ti·za'tion (-tĭ-zā'shən) n., pros'e·ly·tiz'er n.

2009-08-16T20:39:00.000-07:00

WHEN THE PRIME MINISTER SPEAKS...

It's good to listen and read in between the lines of what he is saying.

If you're sensitive enough, that is.

Some people i know would be openly cheering at the strong stance Singapore is taking on religion.

But the Minister's words reveal a whole other dimension.

Let's see if you can sense it.. =)
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2009-08-10T03:59:00.000-07:00

COLOUR BASED PERSONALITY TEST

You are 47 % extrovert and 53 % introvert.

Independently of any order of importance :

You are able to have an in-depth thinking, you think before acting, and you know how to communicate your knowledge.

You are also a manager and a structured person, you know how to take into account the needs of each person while leading them towards the set goals.

Finely you are imaginative and creative, you have always new ideas, and you know how to apply them.

Your attitude towards the environment :

facts feelings idees

At first, at 33%, you are focused on the facts and on the reality, and your decisions are determined by your perception of facts.

Then, at a rate of 33%, you are attached to moral values and feelings, and you have an emotional relation with the environment.

Finally, at 32%, you are centered on your thoughts and your actions are determined by your knowledge and your experience.

Your highest qualities today :

At 21 %, you are thoughtful and deep, you think before getting into action and you know how to communicate your knowledge.

At 20 %, you are a manager and a structured person, you know how to take into account the needs of each person while leading them to the fixed goals.

At 19 %, you are thoughtful and capable of listening to others, you take into account the needs of others before setting up the defined objectives.

At 19 %, you are attuned to others and you show a good emotional intelligence, which allow you to give support to people.

At 19 %, you are intellectual and intelligent, you keep wondering and inquiring before setting up your next step or defining your values.

Finely, you are a manager and a leader, and you know how to organize groups of people and how to give them your energy, you are a creative person, with always new ideas, and you know how to apply them.

2009-08-02T07:51:00.001-07:00

The Great What Ifs

What if I took a group of girls under my wing and helped them blossom to become the woman God had intended for them to be?

I'm talking about girls, most guys wouldn'nt give a second look at. Real girls with skin problems and weight problems. Problems with self-esteem and issues with the way they look. But on inside, beautiful girls just waiting to blossom.

What if, I helped them find that beauty within, and brought it out?

Helped them establish healthy eating habits and exercise routines?

Good beauty regimes worthy of Queen Esther from biblical times?

Looks arent't everything, I've learnt that much.

But healthwise, esteem wise, confidence wise?

We're here to become God's army, and to fulfil our purpose as His people.

Why should we be sloppy and fat? Why should we be any less then the people out there in the world?

If anything we ought to show'em we can outlook, outrun, out everything'em as much as we can pray.

We're doing it for God, taking pride in maintaining his temple, spiritually, physically, mentally.

Laziness/slothfulness is a sin, so is gluttony and greed.

When society sees a fat person somewhere in their subconscious-that's what they see. Laziness, gluttony and greed- on the flipside they may even see hoarding of wealth and a sort of selfishness. A lack of control.

Food is a resource, fuel for the body. That we have a bountiful source of food is a blessing, to indulge in it beyond what is necessary, is simply pleasuring your senses. We seem to do that constantly.

It's time to bring our flesh under control. S'pose it's why we fast.

But if we're stuffing our gobs with more food than the body needs the rest of the time, we're just harming ourselves.

Afterall, how do you become an elephant? When you've eaten like one - one bite at a time.

Then there is exercise. I like to run. Actually I just keep telling myself that till I believe it.

Same way I tell myself, I love Oats, and I LOVE Vegetables. But do it enough and over time, even your body starts to reject the stuff that's bad for it naturally.

Lead your mind. Lead your heart.

Keep yourself on the sraight and narrow.

Believe it. Become it.

It's interesting how man has perverted even food. The natural, the non-preserved, straight-from the ground, will never be beat by processed, preserved, and over-flavoured junk that fills shelves in the super market.

Stuff that's killing us. I don't think God ever intended for us to eat alot of the stuff that we're putting into ourselves. Synthetic nonsense.

So the devil waits for us to poison ourselves and then he gets us.

We need to be in control of everything, do the hard things now, so that we can pass on a legacy of good health, along with our spiritual inheritance.

It's not alright to be fat and unhealthy.

2009-07-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

JUST TOO FUNNY

Elijah is a prophet in the Bible, and he challenges some prophets who worship a "pagan" god to a challenge of setting on fire a sacrifice by calling on their respective god's names. Read to find out what happens.

It's just too hilarious.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elijah on Mount Carmel

16 So Obadiah went to meet Ahab and told him, and Ahab went to meet Elijah. 17 When he saw Elijah, he said to him, "Is that you, you troubler of Israel?"

18 "I have not made trouble for Israel," Elijah replied. "But you and your father's family have. You have abandoned the LORD's commands and have followed the Baals.

19 Now summon the people from all over Israel to meet me on Mount Carmel. And bring the four hundred and fifty prophets of Baal and the four hundred prophets of Asherah, who eat at Jezebel's table."

20 So Ahab sent word throughout all Israel and assembled the prophets on Mount Carmel.

21 Elijah went before the people and said, "How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him."

But the people said nothing.

22 Then Elijah said to them, "I am the only one of the LORD's prophets left, but Baal has four hundred and fifty prophets.

23 Get two bulls for us. Let them choose one for themselves, and let them cut it into pieces and put it on the wood but not set fire to it. I will prepare the other bull and put it on the wood but not set fire to it.

24 Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the LORD. The god who answers by fire—he is God."

Then all the people said, "What you say is good."

25 Elijah said to the prophets of Baal, "Choose one of the bulls and prepare it first, since there are so many of you. Call on the name of your god, but do not light the fire." 26 So they took the bull given them and prepared it.

Then they called on the name of Baal from morning till noon. "O Baal, answer us!" they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they danced around the altar they had made.

27 At noon Elijah began to taunt them. "Shout louder!" he said. "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened."

28 So they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed.

29 Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice. But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention.

30 Then Elijah said to all the people, "Come here to me." They came to him, and he repaired the altar of the LORD, which was in ruins.

31 Elijah took twelve stones, one for each of the tribes descended from Jacob, to whom the word of the LORD had come, saying, "Your name shall be Israel."

32 With the stones he built an altar in the name of the LORD, and he dug a trench around it large enough to hold two seahs [a] of seed.

33 He arranged the wood, cut the bull into pieces and laid it on the wood. Then he said to them, "Fill four large jars with water and pour it on the offering and on the wood."

34 "Do it again," he said, and they did it again."Do it a third time," he ordered, and they did it the third time.

35 The water ran down around the altar and even filled the trench. (there was about 15 litres of water!!)

36 At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: "O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command.

37 Answer me, O LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again."

38 Then the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.

39 When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The LORD -he is God! The LORD -he is God!"

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WAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I especially love verse 27. How sarcastic can a biblical prophet get, you tell me.

2009-07-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

PASSAGENEWYORK

Located at:

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Keck Seng Tower
Singapore 069535
Email: contactus@passagenewyork.com
Tel: 6226 0888

I shall be headed there for a trial session costing only $88.00 which will include the following:-

1.Collagen Diamond Peel Facial with Anti-Ageing and Whitening Lift Facial
2.Ultrasound Eye Treatment and Collagen Neck Treatment.

Completing the treatment with a complimentary session of body massage and that's not all....

I know, I know... you're like- WHAT?!

I will be getting a complimentary little black dress.

You can sign up for one too at their website!

I'll let you guys know what the results are like!!!

2009-07-24T00:09:00.000-07:00

Persevere

John Holt: Has she thanked you for anything you've done the last 20 days?

Caleb Holt: No! And you'd think after I washed the car, I've changed the oil, do the dishes, cleaned the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude. But she doesn't! In fact, when I come home, she makes me like I'm - like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, Dad. That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks, I have bent over backwards for her. I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, Dad. I'm not doing it anymore!

How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?

John Holt: [touches, then leans against cross] That's a good question.

You can't give what you don't have. If you don't have God, You don't have love.

Find God.

2009-07-24T00:08:00.000-07:00

The Movie Fireproof and Unconditional Love by Jeff Goins
http://jeffgoins.myadventures.org/?filename=fireproof-and-unconditional-love

The movie Fireproof came out last night, and I saw it with Ashley and my younger sister Marissa (who's staying with us this weekend). My wife's company Provident helped make it, so it was fun for her to see so many names she recognized as the credits rolled. If you haven't heard about this movie, it's by the same people who made Facing the Giants and stars Kirk Cameron.

The basic premise of Fireproof is that a young couple who has gone through some tough times in their marriage is finally ready to give up. Both feel that divorce is inevitable. The husband's father dares him to woo his wife for 40 days before making a final decision regarding the divorce.

The movie was not what I expected.

I thought that the wife would initially be suspicious of his random acts of kindness but that her heart would gradually soften, and they would enjoy a beautiful courtship together. That doesn't happen. From Kirk Cameron's character's perspective, he spends well over a month trying to win back his wife's heart, and she for the most part seems disinterested.

Without giving away too much, this whole theme really resonated with me. Yes, the movie is redemptive, but it's also realistic (despite some cheesy moments) in how it portrays unconditional love.

I haven't been married that long, but it's been long enough to realize that when I do something for my wife that I think is stellar - I mean, deserving of some kind of medal of honor or something - she doesn't always respond how I think she should. It may be the most frustrating part of marriage so far. It seems that her "point system" isn't equivalent to mine.

I'm learning that if you want to love anything in life, you have to learn to let go of your preconceived notions and expectations, making a commitment to that person's well-being no matter what the response is.

Last week, I delivered some groceries to a man who has AIDS and is so sick that he has trouble getting around. He asked if we had brought any toiletries, and somewhat embarrassed, we told him no, that's not what this ministry does. An hour later, I felt like I should go to Target, and pick up some things that he might need. As I was on my way back to his apartment to drop them off, I was rehearsing what I would say. I imagined how I would share the Gospel with him, how we would become great friends, how I could show him the love and acceptance of Christ through our friendship...

And then, I think I got one of those Spirit-led promptings to pray. I heard the words come out of my mouth, "Lord, let love be the agenda." I didn't know exactly what that meant, so I continued to go over my ministry plan of action, as I pulled into the apartment complex, parked the car, and began walking up the steps.

Full of confidence, with three bags full of soap, shampoo, razors, toilet paper, and other stuff, I knocked on the man's door. No answer. My heart started to beat a little more quickly. What if he wasn't home? What if he was? What would I say, exactly? I noticed that he had a doorbell; so I rang it. No answer. I waited a couple minutes, and finally he opened the door. He looked at me with suspicion. I stuttered for a second and then blurted out, "I brought you some toiletries!" He looked at me, then at the bags, grabbed them out of my hands, and said, "Thanks."

I smiled and said, "You're wel--"

Before I could finish my sentence, he had slammed the door. I stood there, stunned. My whole plan didn't even have the opportunity to be executed! Had I failed? Was he offended? Why didn't he invite me inside to talk for a little while? And then I remembered: Let love be the agenda.

Man, love is easy to talk about, but much harder to live.

2009-07-19T23:19:00.001-07:00

GONE TOO SOON

My weekend that is.

How is this even possible? The only two days of the week I have ALL to myself and it flies by?!

Honestly.

But I must say, I did have the most fun ever during this month's Tamil Service Matthew Party. It was indeed the best Matthew party we have ever had- I really do think the Tamil Service People are growing closer together. Not to mention several interesting facts about our congregation that surfaced during our latest party.

I never could have fathomed it. *shakes head in amazement*

Sunday, was awesome as well, I subjected a few choice guinea pigs in the form of the boys from Rockers who had the "luck" of wandering into the nursery room whilst I was in a "creative mood" so to speak and so, i had them singing parts to "Deliver Us" from the Prince of Eygpt.

They are very good.

I look forward to rocking Sis. Hui Er's socks with my presentation of a proposed Christmas production.

Well, I need to manage my time better and find a way to somehow, increase my energy.

I feel especially tired these days.

2009-07-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Michael Joseph Jackson

I've never professed to be a fan of his. I never drew any actual inspiration from any of his works.

But he was always there when I was growing up, everyone wanted to look like him.The pre-surgery him. He was always in the news. But he did sink into my psyche. In that my outlook on life has always been bigger than being just about me. Michael shared that perspective with his songs like- "We are the World" . "Will you be there" and a song like this one-

This song is ME. Or atleast i relate to it.

But in truth. The first song I think about that I emotionally connected to when it first came out, was that one about his childhood- "My childhood".

They kept playing it on Channel 5 back then.

I watched it one night and cried. I was still a child back then- but i kind of felt his pain of being forced to grow up before your time. I understand MJ.

That was the only time. Just lke everyone else-I moved on. BSB, Britney, then deeper music in the Jazz genre came by. Michael was forgotten.

But a few days before his death, I was writing in my diary, wondering if he'd make a come back- at that time, I did not know about the "This Is It" tour.

I'll put up that post sometime soon. I relate to every word in this song. Every single word.

My Childhood

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood
I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?

People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had

Have you seen my Childhood...

2009-07-08T19:21:00.000-07:00

Surprise

And once again, i'm made aware of the fact of how many people are reading this space.

Achieved by googling my url- (not because I wanted to see who's talking about me, I i'm using my work computer and I don't want it kept in the add bar memory- do I make sense?.

I found websites taking excerpts from here and putting it up elsewhere.

Without permission.

Not offended. No.

Just that they're calling Lee Stoneking heretical.

Hmmm, okay. Well, he's right here, right now in Sinagpore and i'll be seeing him on friday.

I guess, i'll just show him the webby and ask him what he thinks of it.

Or maybe I won't waste his time, got bigger things to ask him about.

Can't wait.

Gonna encounter Jesus!

2009-07-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

And I'm wondering, where'd the Saturday go?

It can be a little tough working for a staunchly Hindu lawyer. He is not staunch in the sense that he believes in Gods. No. Like most staunch Hindus I've encountered, he believes in nothing and everything.

You hand him an invite to something, he sighs dramatically, and then he launches into a discussion of nothing but questions.

What I sense when I talk to him is not understanding on his part, but deep confusion seems to radiate from him.

Why do people insist on labelling God as something, distant, elusive, apart and uninterested?

He is not.

Far from elusive. Far from disinterested too. Seek and you shall find. Ask and receive. Knock, that door is going to open.

I cannot tell you how many times, I have been called narow minded.

Thank you. Because you do not know how I struggled to narrow it. With the narrowing comes focus. Focus invites clarity. It develops depth and sharpness, to pierce through the veil of deception.

A sham, a farce, a cloak, a mask of lies, call it what you may, it is so very subtle-it resides in your disbelief, in your will power, your pride, your ideas of what is right and what is wrong. Your lack of information.

It's not personal. It's not secluded. It's not a solitary case.

In a state of brokenness, when every thing that was me was taken away- a moment of suspension- the deception was whisked away.

I SAW. There was no fireworks display, no drama, no boomin voice from the sky.

Just as clearly as i had seen the light of my soul so many years ago, I SAW, the lies of this world, and the light of the Lord hovered about in my soul keeping my sanity intact.

I could see the dark side winning. But in the instant I saw, it was like all the toeholds and leverages I had given the enemy crumbled, and in my mind's eye I could see him falling back into the abyss horror-struck.

He had truly wooed me from the jaws of destruction, the way a frantic Father would coax his child who is halfway over the cliff, to crawl back towards him.

Neither side had gone beyond it's boundaries to openly reveal itself to me blatantly.

I broke through the Matrix. I'm freakin' Neo, man.

So, everyone has questions. You're all waiting for it to be proven to you. But the key to finding out is simple. You have to have sincerity. The laws of the Lord are very different from what YOU deem is right and appropriate. For there is a way that seemeth right to man that leads to Neverland, then there is the Lord's way- that one leads to Wonderland.

You have to have perseverance.

You also have to know, that it works in this way.- "Believe and it shall be proven to you."

The rules to this game are vastly different from anything you may have encountered.
It requires a change in your operating system. Your very thinking.

A mustard seed's worth of belief. About as small as the period at the end of this sentence.

It's up to you.

I invited my lawyer to CEJ. To hear Lee Stoneking. Because if there was just one person you had to hear in all your life for a comprehensive explanation about Christianity. He's your man. After that, if you never believe it- it's your mee rebus.

Happening July 10, 11 and 12, at Tabernacle of Joy.

At the end of an hour long QnA, after my said invitation, he sighed again, stretched across his table, slouched in his chair and said, "At the end of it all, we're all truth seekers."

I didn't say a thing, but i merely smiled and thought to myself...

Wrong R.N., I've already found, you're the one who is still seeking.

2009-06-28T02:25:00.000-07:00

A period of no exercise

I can not exercise because I am sick.

I am sick with the flu.

A very annoying flu.

That has been bugging me for a good part of the month of June.

I just want to make it to pay day. Please?

Just let me shop again. I want to dress up again.

I am starting to care about how I look once more, after a very, very long time. I know its hard to tell, especially when I look so amazing all the time. But its true, I'm not even trying. *collapses dramatically into a chair*

I need to wax my legs, thread my eyebrows.

Then there is my running.

I miss my road. My beautifully long stretch of tarmac.Tiringly long.Beautiful nonetheless. Don't you just love it, when you start running with the cool of the evening just starting to set in, but the ground is still emitting heat absorbed during the day time?

Since I can not actually pick myself up and GO running, because I may just collapse from a currently diseased respiratory system, that has reduced my usually upbeat and (sometimes annoyingly chirpy) voice to a rasp.

Every time i speak i sound like the personification of sandpaper. My throat feels like it too.

I shall talk about running.

I honestly think everyone should pick it up. There is no freedom like imagining you are in a race with your ex, and making yourself sprint your rounds like a mad woman.

I am motivated by very strange scenarios. But it helps. I half suspect I run these rounds with a tremendous look of fury on my face- the startled, and half scared looks on the faces of passing construction workers, tells me so.

Well, if I'm scaring them, at least I can be assured they are not checking me out. That would be too gross. But you can hardly blame them. I am after all- almost greek-goddess like.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA.

Oh man. I just love making fun of myself. It's my second most favourite past time after - reading, and singing, and maybe eating.

I know, that is more than one. But you know what they say about us beautiful girls.

Actually I don't know what they say, I just wanted another opportunity to make my readers gag.

I'm too smart to be beautiful. Too talented too.

Did you gag again?

Tee hee.

Oh this is so fun. I can't believe the people who ACTUALLY do say things like this and mean it.

Or the people who constantly fish for compliments, by means of acting like they don't care, but they do. They REALLY do.

Everyone wants approval.

Then there are those like me, who constantly critcise everything, including themselves.

Sad isn't it?

Anyway running.

I miss it. Get better soon, self!, the running shoes are calling out in desperation.

2009-06-27T22:30:00.001-07:00

Co-Dependancy

Too many people have unrealistic expectations of other people.

They get let down, when a person they count on to do right all the time, suddenly does not.

They elevate the poor person, to a god-like status and expect the poor creature to do no wrong. To think right all the time. To be there. To be dependable.

The person who is elevated, who is counted upon, enjoys the attention. Till comes breaking point.

No one is perfect.

2009-06-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

Being In Your Face

Your ambitions, will never match my talent.

Your hopes, dreams and aspirations buffered by your relentless effort, can only carry you so far.

This is not arrogance.

This is fact.

God does not give equally. To some he gives more, to some he gives less.

Ambitions however, have a way of bringing about some measure of recognition.

Talents, unused, will only fade.

Find YOUR talent, and just stop competing with mine. I only have what I have.

Envy only corrodes your self-esteem.

Because, remember- Your ambitions, will never match my talent.

2009-06-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

Reading The Signs

Writings In Sanity

I smoked two cigarettes today. I figured that if i'm going to do something I promised I wouldn't do, I might as well go full disclosure.

I smoked because I wanted to numb the pain in my throat. I lost my voice, see. I thought it would be a great idea to smoke to take away the pain.

What is interesting about the minute you do something you're not supposed to, is that you start getting nervous. As if some huge hammer is going to come crashing down on you from heaven.

But it doesn't.

So you wince a little, and you walk, then you go really crazy.

You see a movie poster that says- "Drag Me To Hell- opens July 11".

The poster has got a picture of a blondie with the claws of demons, well- clawing at her.

You gulp hard.

You shake it off. Two cigarettes do not a drag me to hell, make.

You board the train, and of all the block numbers to notice, you pass by a block numbered - 666.

WHY?

You're reading the signs alright. Signboards.

Shake it off.

Conviction, not condemnation.

At this point you can relate to the Apostle Paul, who lamented how it was easy for him to do all the things he ought not to do, but so hard for him to do the things he knows he ought to do.

How will I ever get to that spiritual pinnacle I aspire to, if I keep taking giant leaps backward, you question yourself.

You look up to the heavens for an answer and instead you see- another signboard.

This one with a Confucian saying.

It doesn't matter how slowly you get somewhere, what matters is that you don't stop.

Or something to that effect.

It's a good thing you're on an escalator. It wouldn't do to stop still in the middle of a moving crowd.

Human pile-ups in the middle of the MRT station are rather unbecoming. needless to say, I am never going to touch another cigarette again for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, you gotta wonder if God isn't up there havin a good laugh at your expense.

2009-06-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

Love Summed Up. by John Mayer

So I was thinking about relationships as it pertains to songs about relationships.
And, uh, I was trying to thnk of... well it occurred to me that the key, I figured out the key to a relationship and how to make it work. Check it out.This is, This is a tip from your Uncle John, Check it out.

When you first meet somebody, you find out they like you first of all, friend of a friend of theirs says- he or she really, really likes you and it kills you, floors you, send you to the ground, you gotta pick yourself up off the ground. Then you get their phone number and you call'em up right? And you say- yea, that's a great phone conversation, can I see ya sometime and then they say this, they say- I'd like that.

I'd like that makes you fall on the floor again, your heart's about to stop because of - I'd like that.Nothing feels better than- I'd like that. So now, your blood pressures goin'. You're six feet off the ground, you can't sleep because of- I'd like that. So then you hang out for a while and you call, you talk on the phone all the time and then you drop the bomb- what feels like the bomb, - You know what,I've been thinkin about you alot and she goes- "haaah" and you go what happened? And she goes-sorry, I just, I just, I just that, I've been thinking about you too.

Bam.

Higher than the sky. But now, I'd like that- done. Now you're up to- I'm thinkin about you.Then, however number of months pass, it makes you feel comfortable saying it, you say- I gotta tell you something- they go, what?, you go- I'm in love with you.

And nothing in the world sounds better than- I'm in love with you.

And then, maybe she starts crying, or maybe he goes- "uh-huh-huh",and all of a sudden you're like- I'm in.

But now what doesn't work? I'd like that, and i've been thinking about you.Now we're at i'm in love with you.

Then maybe someday, we'll go to - I love you. fast forward, now you're like I love you ALOT, I love you more than anything in life. Now I love you doesn't work. it's a threshold that keeps moving up.

Fast forward like, six months, six weeks, whatever the case may be, now you're like, I wanna marry you, I wanna impregnate you with my love. I wanna just send my love to you.

Damn it words don't work anymore!

And then you say this line, and youknowit, you know you've used this line before.

I just wish they'd put a new word in the dictionary, bigger than love, cause love just doesn't describe what I feel.

And so then, now,he or she starts asking- do you love me? And you start goin of course I love you.

Well say it.

And then it becomes,say it twice or say it three times. And then you cross a really interesting point when all of a sudden it becomes- I hate you.

I hate you, and you go -oh my god, he hates me.

And it's like, I hate you more then anything. And it's like- we're over. and then they go- no we're not, and you go- yes we are.

Now the words completely do not work at all. You're left with nothing. You're throwing punches under water.

You're done.

You know what the moral of that story is?

If there is one.

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of- I'd like that.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here.

Staying home alone on a friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
Im jaded
I hate it

--------------------------------------------------------------

MANIC

More than 90 percent of patients with a single manic episode go on to have more. Between 5 and 15 percent of patients have four or more episodes in a year while 10 to 15 percent eventually commit suicide.

Bleak statistics aside, there is a positive aspect to having bipolar disorder- greater creative powers. Researchers have found a link between bipolar disorder and a higher level of creativity.

That explains why the ranks of bipolar disorder patients read like a who's who of the arts world, including American writer Ernest Hemingway, Bristish novelist Virginia Woolf and Ben Stiller.

Dr Ng said- " I often find myself marvelling at the intensity with which individuals with bipolar disorder experience life.

"Many Patients with mild bipolar disorder enjoy their highs and prefer not to tell anybody. Once diagnosed,they are concerned that medication will take away the pleasurable states and their creativity."

I could tell you a thing or two about pleasurable creative states.

It maes you feel like you could put on your running shoes and run 50 rounds around the track.

It makes you feel like every single note that comes out your mouth, has the ability to cause ripples in the atmosphere and pierce through reality. That you can hit every note ever created and then some.

It makes you feel like if someone handed you a paintbrush, you'd create a masterpiece. The best the world has ever seen.

It makes you feel like you could fly. You look back on what you've said or done, and
you go, wow. I did that?

2009-06-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

Father's Day

I'll be direct. One of the reasons I got dumped by my ex, was because on the day I decided to move in with him (i.e. run away from home)was also the day my mother got hospitalised for some rare blood disease.

I remember holding on to the phone and trembling like a leaf in the wind (partially due to the cold from being bald) hanging on to a ciggie and crying at the window.

I said I was sorry to my father, and that I was coming home.

At that time, I told the creep (whom I had mistakenly believed to be the love of my life- SO NOT)that I was afraid of my father, and what he might do.

See, that might be partially true. Over the years we have drifted, due to so many reasons. But despite slight hardships, I had had a pretty amazing childhood because of my parents, and mostly my father.

His creativity, had been the spark that lit mine. His curiousity, was the driving force behind mine. My hair curls the way it does- because his does too.

I couldn't explain to that boy-man (whose father had abused him for most of his life, who then had an affair in his fifties, then got divorced by his wife) who stood before me, why it was so important (besides my mother possibly being on her death bed) that i return home, and, still be part of my family.

How do you explain filial ties to someone, who yells at his mother for money to buy drugs? How do you explain the kinship between father and daughter, to a man, while physically thirty years of age- had no concept of what fatherly love is?

But this is not about him.

It's that he had thought it weakness, for me to want to return home.

That I was so dependant on my father- Daddy's little girl he called me.

Me, financially independant since age 15.

Me.

Daddy's little girl.

That's a laugh.

How could explain to you, Matt, that it is not in my genes to flee responsibility for the sake of convenience?

That gratitude keeps me bound- willingly.

Loyalty. Being faithful. Such things are imbibed in your blood. It was not weakness, that made me cry and run back home. It was not fear. It was guilt, that I had nearly abandoned them.

I suddenly felt like I had lost some of my value as a person. I had never thought I would actually do it. As a child I often contemplated running away, but now that I had actually done it- it was as if a part of me had corroded away. Some sort of rot had set in.

I've often wondered, why was he so offended that I chose not to move in?

After all, where was he, when I was five years old and was caught beneath the cupboard that had collapsed on me? I still have a triangle shaped scar on my right hand from that.

Where was he, when I had fall that nearly rend my skull into two when I was three?

Who was he to demand such things of me, and abuse me the way he did, when I was so treasured by one man who had helped in bringing me into this world?

The one who had defended me from being bullied by arrogant primary scholl teachers and classmates alike? He floored them with his logic everytime. Even if I had done something wrong. He madesure I got away.

Him, who carried me on his shoulders, fed me and paraded me around?

Who rejoiced with me, when I topped the school's "O' level Lit exam? Youon the other hand secretly mocked me for my talents, didn't see a point in them, and always told me it was too late to do anything in my life. Perhaps you were talking about yourself. I have no doubt I'd be successful. I define success very differently from you. I aim for significance.

Who are you Matt Lim, sorry, Lai (he has changed his last name to his mother's) compared to the marvel who is my father?

It is a pity that you'll never know what fatherly love is.

You used to call me beautiful. Did you know, that now when I look in mirror witha short hair do and 15 kg lighter- I see my father's face. Daddy's little girl. I couldn't possibly be anyone else's.

From time to time, I sometimes walk the streets and imagine that i would bump into your father- I'd tell him- Go home, your son needs you. He would, and he'd say sorry, you'd heal and become a better person and you'd have a happy ending.

But that won't happen.

Just like your father, you'll also abandon relationships and undertakings for the slightest reason and live a life dissatisfied and drugged. In your stupor at least I hope you find peace then.

I wish had the bravado to tell you what I had really felt when you called me Daddy's little girl.

Yes, I am, I'm proud to be it too. No, I'm not spoilt- just loved. How bout you? Where's you daddy? I have still have one, where's yours?

Perhaps I'm being too unkind- maybe some people are just better off without each other.

However, I wish I had told in your face- the truth. That I love my father.

Here is the truth you asked for. Take it. But you won't listen now. Nope. Now you have declared hate against me.

The truth is this. I love my Dad, more than I have ever loved you. I may have known you for 7 months, but my father knew me Since I was 7 weeks in my mother's womb. Beat that.

I wish I could have shown you some how, that if you really loved me, you would not have demanded so much from me and not like that.

I wish I could say this just once more, and to your face. I so, pity you. You'll despise me for my pity too. But I pity you. You poor sod.

I also wish one other thing.

I wish, I had the courage to walk into the hall right now and say- "Happy Father's day, Naina. I Love you."

I don't. Not yet.

But at least, I'm here.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Written 27 minutes ago · Comment · Like Unlike

Joel Vinson likes this.

Kabetha Bai at 1:18am June 21

Oh Joel, he broke up with me over YOU, too. Sigh. LOL

2009-06-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

From:

M/s Archangels Law Corporation
777 Salvation Road
#77-777 Hope Plaza
Heaven 777777

To:

M/s Fallen Angels LLC
666 Damnation Road
#66-666 Halls of Doom Building
Hell 666666
BY A. R. REGD POST

Attention : S. A. Tan

Dear Sirs

RE: THE ALLEGED DEATH OF CHRIST & SUPPOSED VICTORY OF LUCIFER

We refer to the above matter.

It has come to our attention that your client, Lucifer is maliciously spreading lies pertaining to our client, J.Christ also known as Immanuel or Messiah with regards to his supposed death on the cross by way of crucifixion.

These said lies, have been formulated to undermine our client's good work of salvation and in defaming him by means of such propagation will be to your client's detriment.

You client has full knowledge of the particulars of these lies which we speak of. However, for the sake of clarity, we shall expound upon what these exact falsehoods are. Inter alia, the following are some examples of what has been said thus far:-

a.) That the said crucifixion of J.Christ was the consequence of his blasphemy and declaration that He is indeed King and Lord of all, i.e. the Creator of the Universe and quintessentially- God

b.) That His death and alleged defeat was Lucifer's victory, and that J. Christ was just a powerless man who had no control over his death, and was betrayed by his own follower Judas Iscariot.

c.) The J. Christ is not real

d.) That there are other so called Gods other than J. Christ

Please be informed that the above listed is not a complete list of what has been said. Our resources are yet collating from victims of this deception what else has been said in condemnation of our client.

TAKE NOTICE, that unless your client cease and desists from producing more of these said lies and hurting innocent people by disallowing them from seeing what is the apparent truth- i.e. J. Christ is indeed God, The ONLY God, and did indeed take form in flesh to die on the cross to pay the ultimate penalty for our sins, we have strict instructions to deploy more evangelists from our Counter-Deception team- costs for such deployment shall be borne by your client.

Take FURTHER NOTICE, that our prayer teams are already on the case and are currently being organisd by their relevant Pastoral heads into battle positions in preparation of an impending full-scale spiritual war. You be well advised to take note, that our numbers in our special armed forces in particular have recently swelled due to more Spiritual warriors having signed on and are avidly engaging in training, by means of arising before dawn and praying on their knees for the day ahead.

Finally, please advise your client, that despite his best efforts, the end result is inevitable. Kindly refer to the last chapter of the Holy Bible, Revelations. Pursuant to the same, please note that your client is most undoubtedly headed towards an eternity spent in a burning lake of sulfur. Enclosed herewithis a copy of the same (in New King James Version) for your information. We trust that you will definitely NOT act in good faith, as it simply not in your nature.

However, Thank you all the same.

Yours faithfully,

God
(Sec. Archangel Gabriel)

This is a spiritually generated letter and requires no signature.

2009-06-19T20:18:00.001-07:00

The Steve McCurry Exhibition @ ACM

I would call the previous night- a Friday well-spent, except for once I actually had fun without spending a cent,(and got a free ice-cream out of the deal) when usually the reverse is true. Spend tons and have no actual fun- but you usually can pretend otherwise. After all you paid for it.

*We are Singaporeeeee- Singaporeaaaaaaaaaaaans.*

I realise I usually sound slightly more cynical when I write than I actually am as a person.

I invited Az to join the Twenty-20 Group in attending the exhibition with us, so we meandered down from Peninsula Plaza and walked there.

It dawned upon the both of us, during this walk that the steps of the Old Supreme Court would make a most excellent lunch venue. Beautiful view of the Padang and all. Windy. Spacious.

As we still had to wait for the rest who had yet to arrive,Az and I basked in the glow of the Fullerton toilet whiling our time away another uniquely Singaporean past time. In the midst of waiting, Az had already laid out plans for the Law Faculty's 5 and 10 year reunion and I had planned my wedding.

Shortly after, we received a call from Johanna announcing her arrival, so we proceeded to ACM where we found some sort a fusion dance going on on the lawn- the objective of which did not seem very obvious to me.

I've never been an advocate of organised dancing in front of a museum with white trash bags on.

We proceeded to the second level of the museum- must say, I have not stepped anywhere in the vicinity of the ACM since the Law Faculty's Prom'06- Incanto.
Coincidentally, there I was with our Prom Queen- Azizah Roslan also President of the Law Faculty representative Committee- Law Inc.

Steve McCurry.

Made my heart leap in glee.

I am familiar with shot of the Afghani Girl, with the piercing green eyes.

But I have never actually had an active interest in photography even though my father briefly dabbled in it, and I usually seem to pick up interest on my father's interests.

But the photographs that I saw in the exhibition, held so much colour and life, I almost felt like twirling round and around.It was as if, in the taking of those photos, he had leeched away some of the colour present in the world and put it on that still-picture image, yet still-teeming with energy and light. As if, he had tweezered a strand of the person's soul and injected it into his work.It was like looking out of a window and seeing right into Jodhpur, Tibet or Afghanistan. I could climb right into the frame and join them in their celebration of life.

Why had no one told me, in my quest for seeking colours, that finding such richness in the world was possible? That my eyes could behold such hues and shades? Why did my mind assume that my life was the most privileged and luxury filled, that every where else in the world poeple led drab lives and had no access to what life could really offer?

I was the one who had been cheated. I had been lied to by efficient transport systems and neatly laid out, tree-lined roads. Deceived by an indefeatable infrastructure and giant, metallic, futuristic-looking buildings that reflect the sunlight so that they hurt your eyes.

Life was in the streets of Jodhpur, India. Life was happening and being actively participated in other parts of the world, I had only seen on maps, the television and magazines.

Just like that, the fingers of wanderlust reached out to me through those colours and right into my chest, stirring the need for adventure and a thirst for conquering with my eyes and my feet pathways yet untread.

I could feel the dust storm whipping around me. The cold of Tibet made my breath come out like smoke. The smoke from the fire in Kuwait made my face grimy with soot.

The words began to weave in my head with every photograph I saw, if every picture is said to speak a thousand words, I had already composed stories of a thousand word length, by the time I circled the exhibition.

My mouth could not help but hang half open. My eyebrows could not help but raise in wonder. My feet could not help but circle round and round the room. As soon as I had etched the images into my mind's eye, I found my ability to speak again.

I vaguely recall being asked where the joy was, because the Asker Of The said Question had only seen sorrow in all the images.

So I took the Asker Of The Question by the hand and let her to images of joy. Pointing out to her where I had sensed joy, even if it were not apparent to human eyes.

After all, joy is an emotion that is felt. You may see a smile- but it is the soul that recognises true joy. For it is the soul that recoginses God.

The night ended with a guided tour of the Emperor Kang Xi exhibit and we finally some how all landed at Marina Square for dinner.

It was a Friday well spent.

2009-06-15T05:57:00.001-07:00

What I’m thinking when I’m running.

So I’ve been faithfully going running for the past few days, Mon, Wed and Yesterday.

I am so keen on losing this last 10 kg. Johanna says its not necessary for me to do so, but I look at myself and I’m thinking- “nope, not there yet.”

Cause I know I’m not fit, and once I start exercising and eating right, the pounds will melt off. I’m not even pushing myself yet. This is super mild. Baby dosage.

I don’t want to start aching, so I’m taking it easy. Found a road near the highway that stretches pretty long. It goes nowhere, it starts abruptly in the middle of nowhere and it ends in the middle of nowhere. My kind of road.

I shall henceforth refer to it as the Nowhere Road.

Reporting live from Now Here at No Where.

Where?

There.

I started running There. I ran once to and once fro. Penat sey, running around Nowhere. As for wear? I wear lots of wear. Apostolically athletic, I call it. Very wearable.

I need to work on building up my stamina. Flabby Kabby. Tsk.

Double my distance, and increase my stair climbing, actually DO my skipping and leg lifting and all that jazz.

Jazz.

Lady sings the Blues… Boo hoo. Why can’t blue be a happy colour? Why is envy green? Why is love red? Why did the gay people choose purple? Cause they’re all Queens? This is a serious question, man. Don’t answer though. I really don’t care to know. When I see yellow, I think bimbo. I wear yellow, when I feel like a Bimbo. Rhymes.

Gumbo. New Orleans. I wonder If the Hurricanes will do much damage this year. I wanna go see that place. Jazz musicians and voodoo… hoodoo, and all that… Jazz.

LOL. Gumbo, too.

Oy, no food!

Gotta focus on losing weight.

I’m aiming for 1 kg this month, and a kg every subsequent month from now, so that should be… 7 kgs by the end of this year. Quite doable I’d say.

Can’t give up this time around- I plan to maintain this for life. Say goodbye Babat. S’long chubby face!

I intend to become- attractive. Er. Attractive-r. *snorts *

Looks matter, don’t they? As much I’d like to think it’s other things, sometimes, looks play the greatest part in things like- getting you a husband? If you care about things like that. Do I care about things like that? Not really. I think. Maybe I do. I don’t know, man. Got no time to ponder on those things. Is this considered pondering upon? I shall cease to ponder in that case. Cease. Seize. The day. Carpe Diem.

Carp ‘n’ Dee’em. Sneeze. Breeze. Cheese.

Oy, no food.

Ever paid attention to those girls who ONLY talk to certain people? I sometimes suspect I’m one of those people. Like if you don’t interest me I usually don’t talk to you. But then again, I talk to everybody, even if I don’t know you. I just start up a conversation. In the middle of nowhere. My favourite. I guess the point is, if I’m really interested in talking to you. I probably am. Started the conversation didn’t I? Even if it began in the middle of nowhere.

Why, hello there. I’m Kay. You’ll like me. I’m a social butterfly. *Flutters *

I accidentally revealed to a friend when I showed her a picture of another friend, that most of my friends are… er…in my opinion- good-looking. I don’t know if that says anything. Probably that we’re all VAIN. With a capital everything. Not even just a capital “v”. A capital everything.

Vanity, Vanity… oh, you’ll be the death of me. Pity.

DO those things even matter in the long run? I guess they do, because it is by these external things that men judge you.

But DO you seek to be judged by men?

The God of men, judges you by your heart and not the symmetry of your face. After all, he put every pore in its place.

To the God of men, the number of souls you have won over far exceeds in importance the number on your weighing scale. Right?

You worry about the expansion of your waist, about staying away from foods and their alluring tastes.

You worry about your face, your ageing eyes and laughing lines, sagging jowls, and wrinkling lips, pigmentation.

A very sad situation.

Cellulite, increasing with every bite.

Isn’t this a conundrum?

More than half the world screams with hunger pain. Yet here I am, lamenting weight gain.

10 kg is my estimate. SO 10 kg it shall be, if only to shed off my robe of flesh- I want to decrease- physically.

Speaking of long runs.

It’s quite a bit of work I’d have to say. A very short while, for a seemingly long run - but its work nonetheless- usually your flesh tells you to give up five minutes into the run- it tells you to start walking. Don’t obey- keep running.

Keep running till the warmth in the core of your body starts to build, keep running, and keep your heart beating at that steady pace.

You’ll break out into a silly grin, and you’ll bite your lips to keep yourself from laughing out aloud.

You’re alive. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord-uh.

Perspiration pours. You got music fueling your muscles. They move with every beat. One chance. Tuh…tuh….tuh..tuh…tuh… vomit on your sweater already, mom’s spaghetti- Don’t eat before rapping live, Eminem. Or running. Duh.

Makes you think. Where you running to? Or what you running from? Does either question matter, when it’s the just the running that counts? Isn’t it amazing how running can induce so many thoughts? It almost becomes a spiritual experience. I wonder if running could be considered spiritual. A Running Indulgence, as opposed to a fast. You fast from laziness, and sloth. Now that’s something to think about.

I wonder if I’m writing so much due to that Burmese tea I had at lunch.

Breathe in and breathe out. Ah, it burns. Your lungs burn. But its not that bad. You keep going. It could be worse, although I don’t see how. My brain is screaming- I’m dying, I’m dying. But I’m not. Not really. Did you ever consider, that from the time you’re born- you’re moving towards your death. You can’t stop it. Thank God for Salvation. Thank you, God. Have you ever wondered why we call God, GOD and not something like- Zod? It actually sounds like an alien. Praise Zod. * makes alien hand sign*

Thump, thump, thump. Your feet hit the ground, the wind whips past you. You wonder if you’ll ever reach where you’re running to, and once you’ve reached would you have run enough?

It’s never enough. There’s no one to tell you, you’ve done enough. No Physical Ed teachers looming over you, no fellow classmates to condescend upon your lack of fitness. No competitors to keep pace with.

You’re doing this for you. That’s how it rolls. You do it to feel blood coursing through your veins, you do it to feel the sweat pouring down your face. Oh wait, not sweat. Only animals sweat. We PERSPIRE. You do it as a discipline. You do it to push yourself harder and further than before. You do it despite possible public ridicule and judgment. I mean, you used to be one of those watching runners go by all a’huffin and a’puffin, shiny glazed with PERSPIRATION, in various shades of red and pink. You’re going “Ew”. Secretly though, you used to wish you could get it together enough to be as brave, to expire in the middle of a run in the middle of a street and be willingly judged, by those with a little bit too much middle in their middle. Who probably should be slipping on those running shoes themselves.

Jiggle. Jiggle.

You giggle. A little. Hah. Stop.

Perspire. Perspire, Aspire and Inspire. Fire. Inside lungs. Need water. Getting Hotter. Just run. Make believe it’s fun.

Stop rapping, Kay.

You do it. You feel good at the end of it. Sure beats picking through a plate of lettuce and carrots and counting calories. Sure beats loading up on caffeine and puffing on ’em cigarettes. Sure beats weight loss pills, sure beats alot of other crazy stunts you’ve prob pulled in the name of weight loss.

Stop in the name of weight loss!

I now run in the name of weight loss for the remission of my fats. The Baptism of Perspiration.

Then you start thinking about the unthinkable, about tomorrow’s run, and how much more you’re going to achieve and if you can. If it’s too soon to do so much. You can try. Tomorrow, another day to try and run faster, longer, harder- another attempt at reaching that point where you feel like you can say- “Hey, I’ve done enough.” The burning never puts you off for long. You wonder if you actually ENJOY the burn. Sick. Sick. Sick. You’re supposed to dislike the painful things.

What are ya, Christian or something? I guess so. Ho, Ho, Ho. Santa Claus is one strange dude, you reckon? C’mon man. Sliding down chimneys? Ever heard of breaking and entering? A red Sweatsuit and reindeers? Trim that beard already- Christmas was never about you anyway, fatty. Stop eating those cookies. They’re mine.

Oy, stop thinking about food.

It’s a good pain, a searing, burning inner pain, and for a short while after you’re done running, you wonder if you’ll ever stop burning. You do. A short while later. Makes you realise, you don’t ever want to head to that place where you’ll burn forever. Crazy how every thing gets related to heaven and hell. But at the end of the game- that’s all it really was about anyway.

God Bless Sports Bras, and all you women say…

2009-06-14T06:12:00.000-07:00

KAY'S MOST FAVOURITE DISNEY SONG